When being given a lead on a new ugly animal, you are rarely steered wrong by a zoo keeper. Such is the case here, where Gabriel Montague of the Children's Zoo, Zoo New England, clued me in to the river monster that is the Goonch catfish.
This beast haunts the great Kali river between India and Nepal. If its appearance weren't enough, there is also an increasing concern that this beast might have become a maneater. The theory is that since local burial rituals consign partially burned human corpses to the Kali river, these catfish might have begun consuming human remains (which might also account for some of the inordinate sizes we're finding in the Goonch). A side effect of this cuisine is that some members of the Goonch clan may have developed a taste for human flesh, and see no difference between live meat and dead meat.
Just keep this in mind the next time you're swimming the Kali. Also, try to make sure that your burial rituals don't cause local fauna (especially the big ones) to acquire a taste for us humans.